I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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