I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize