His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
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