Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize