They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
