Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
