I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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