I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize