I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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