I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize