he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
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