I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
