Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize