My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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