So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize