i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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