i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize