We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
