i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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