Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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