whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Randomize
