Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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