Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
