look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I need a hoe opinion
go on
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
