I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize