He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
