before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize