I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
