Girls should come with a carfax report
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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