In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
