I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
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