You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I'm always down for nudity.
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