he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
he laminated a picture of his dick.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
