is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize