Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
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