the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
