I must be too annoying 4 u.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
