I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
