She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize