before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
