Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
