You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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