i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
