you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
