my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
