Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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