we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Vodka?
Forever.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
