My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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