too bad you live with your parents still
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
