Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
