Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
You smell like a Billy Joel song
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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