I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize