i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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