there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
