is your mom at the bar?
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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