He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
