Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
