you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Randomize
