did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
