Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
