he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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