she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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