Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Randomize
