are you still at the devil's house?
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
