Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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