what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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