Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
