Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
