Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Randomize
