Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize