mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
one two three fourrrrnication!
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Did I show you my penis last night?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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