have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
