I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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